How To Overcome Poor Self Esteem In The Face Of A Brutal Environment

“Your problem is you’re… too busy holding onto your unworthiness.”
~ Ram Dass

Post written by Kevin Tyler Smith. Connect with me on Twitter. I always enjoy meeting new people.

No where has my opinion of myself been more under attack than when I was in college. There at university in the big city I was introduced to a larger cadre of personalities and talents that challenged my original beliefs of my value established in my once small enclave.

Just about every single thing I had known Kevin Tyler Smith to be was defiantly challenged. Before then at one time I was one of the: most intelligent, most amusing, most jocular, best dressed, best dancers, best singers, best basketball players and most likely to get the girl.

Without warning, my world came tumbling down as I was introduced and exposed to a much larger environment. Ironically, as my world became larger, I grew smaller. I was devalued and became inferior – at least in my mind – as all of my former strengths met their match.

Do you have a low opinion of yourself? Are you always questioning the value of your worth as a person? Do you feel as though others have no respect for what you do? Are you always comparing yourself to others and ignoring the unique value that you have?

If you answered with a resounding yes to any or all of these questions, your self esteem has been under attack. Poor self esteem feeds your negative thinking and causes you to believe what you perceive what others make of you.

It’s a mad, mad world

It’s no secret that we live in a very tough environment where the level of respect received is equated to your status, how well you’re dressed, what car you drive or how much money you make. In the absence of these, we are constantly trying to prove our worth as a human being, whether it’s to a third party or proving it to ourselves. Some days we win, then others we fail miserably at convincing ourselves and others that we are of value.

Sadly, this is an exercise that is carried out on a day to day basis. We awake each morning with a clean slate with a mission to prove our worth.

“If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.”  ~ Author Unknown

Constantly going through this waxing and waning exercise can play havoc on our self esteem. We torment ourselves to the point of not realizing that we can break this cycle and believing that we are of worth, no matter who we are, what we have to offer, what we have to say or no matter how much money we make.

So how can you maintain high self esteem?

Take a shot at this formula: Imagine yourself as a target board. Everything and everyone else around you may become arrows at one point or another. These arrows will destroy your self esteem and pull you down in ways you won’t even remember.  Don’t let them destroy you or get the best of you.

So which arrows should you avoid?

• Arrow #1: Negative Work Environment – Beware of the “dog eat dog” theory where everyone else is fighting just to get ahead. This is where non-appreciative people usually thrive. No one will appreciate your contributions no matter how dedicated you are. Most of the time you end up working too much without getting help from people concerned.  Stay out of this, it will ruin your self esteem.
• Arrow #2: The Behavior Of Others – Bulldozers, brown nosers, gossipmongers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, patronizers, sluffers….all these kinds of people will pose bad vibes for your self esteem, as well as your attitude.
• Arrow #3: Aversion To Change – You can’t be a green bug on a brown field? Changes challenge our paradigms. It tests our flexibility, adaptability and alters the way we think. Changes will make life difficult for awhile and may cause stress but it will  help us find ways to improve ourselves. We have no choice here, change will be there forever…we must be open to it.
• Arrow #4: Past Experience – It’s OK to cry and say “ouch!” when we experience pain. But don’t let pain transform itself into fear. It might grab you by the tail and swing you around. Treat each failure and mistake you experience as a lesson. Own it, learn from it, move on.
• Arrow #5: Negative World View – Look at what you’re looking at. Don’t wrap yourself up with all the negativity of the world. In building self esteem, we must learn how to make the best out of unfavorable situations.
• Arrow #6: Self Identity Theory – The person you have become and your behavioral traits is said to be a mixed end product of your inherited traits (genetics), your upbringing and your environmental surroundings such as your spouse, your vocation, the economy or even your circle of friends. Remember, you have your own identity. If your father is a failure, it doesn’t mean you have to be a failure too. Learn from other people’s experience so you will never have to encounter the same mistakes.

We find ourselves perpetually defending our self worth. Sometimes it’s warranted and sometimes not. Why we bend over backwards at times to justify our value is a mystery. Maybe the culprit is our inherent fight or flight characteristics or the human impulse to be liked or to belong.  No matter where the onus falls in a negative opinion of self, it is sometimes painful to find meaning in….but more satisfying to know that you hold the cards for your own personal outlook.

____________

What Now? Stay in touch and stay connected – I recommend: The simple art of World Domination

Enjoy this article?, get Promethean updates straight to your inbox. There is a no spam guarantee.
If you enjoyed this post, I would appreciate if you “share this” on Facebook, Digg or “retweet” on Twitter.

photo credit