How To Give Yourself A Fighting Chance That People Will Listen When You Speak

“To speak and to speak well are two things.  A fool may talk, but a wise man speaks.”  ~ Ben Jonson

Post written by Kevin Tyler Smith. Connect with me on Twitter. I always enjoy meeting new people.

One of the things that drives me crazy at times is the inability of anyone I am speaking with to stay with the conversation due to distraction.

I’ll go so far as to say that the lack of focus by the other party in a conversation is one of my biggest pet peeves because it is sure conversation killer and among other things, its rude.

But let me point the finger at myself on this one considering my brief lapses in my inability to orally communicate effectively. Maybe my voice isn’t commanding enough or maybe its some other weakness I possess in my delivery in which I am not aware. Its a work in progress I know, but I’m learning.

I know commanding attention in a conversation is an art and a gift. Whatever the case is with me, maybe I need to focus more on the gift than the art. Maybe a session of kissing the stone is in order.

Kissing the stone?

The Blarney Stone is a historical stone that is part of the Blarney Castle in Ireland. Legend says that by kissing the stone you will be granted the gift of gab. Now this may sound a bit strange in this modern age but who are we to question tradition?

There is so much to know about the art of conversation than anyone, even myself could ever realize.  You can lend your ears to television talk shows, radio programs, podcasts, clubs dedicated to public speaking or just ordinary conversations, whatever the forum of your choice, certain rules of etiquette, balance and discernment apply when it comes to interaction through words.

“The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”  ~ Dorothy Nevill

It may sound tedious but even though its your mouth that appears to be doing the lion share of the work, your brain works twice as hard to churn out the things you know. So what better way to start learning to be an effective communicator than to know the very person closest to you….yourself.

Become a great communicator…

1. What you know. Education is all about learning the basics. To be an effective speaker means to practice what you’ve learned. My public speaking class in college exposed the fact that we all have limitations but that doesn’t mean we can’t learn to keep up and share what we know.
2. Shhhh…..listen. Listening is just as important as asking questions. Sometimes listening to the sound of our own voice can teach you to be a little more confident with yourself and to say the things you believe in with conviction.
3. The art of humility. Face it, we all make mistakes especially when we speak. Sometimes we tend to slur our words, stutter and we can’t forget the occasional word being mispronounced even though we know what it means. This is a moment we rarely use to impress listeners. So in a group, don’t be afraid to ask if you’re saying the right word properly and if they are unsure, then make a joke out of it. I promise it will make everyone laugh and you can get away with it as well.
4. Eye contact. The eyes have so much to say when it comes to commanding the attention of your audience. An authentic gaze really is that important. It is paramount you keep your focus when talking to a large group in a meeting or a gathering as it reinforces any point of interest you make.
5. The art of humor. A little bit of humor can do wonders to lift tension and boredom when speaking. This way, you’ll get the attention of the majority of your audience and they will feel you are just as approachable and as human to those who listen.
6. Fellowship. Interaction is all about mingling with other people. You’ll get a healthy dose of ideas as well as what makes other people tick.
7. Me, myself and I. Admit it, there at times you sing to yourself in the shower. I know I do. Listening to the sound of your own voice while you practice a speech in front of a mirror can help correct the stress areas of your pitch. And while you’re at it, you can spruce up as well.
8. With a smile. A smile says it all much like eye contact (see #4). There’s no point on grimacing or frowning in a meeting or a gathering unless the moment is somber. You can better express what you are saying when you smile.
9. A role model. There must be at least one or two people in your life you have listened to when they are at a public gathering or maybe at church. Sure they may read a script but taking a mental note of how they emphasize what they say can help you once you take center stage.
10. Preparation. Make the best out of preparation rather than just scribbling notes and often in a hurried panic. Some people like to write things down on index cards, while others resort to being a little less polished as they look at their notes written on the palm of their hand.

Commanding attention when speaking takes practice because just like anything else, you can’t become “good” at it unless you do. The more you empower your communication skills the better the chance you will hold the attention of the intended. Who knows, what you have to say could mean the difference between life and death to the other party.

You were designed to communicate. So, what do you like to talk about?

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